“My memories of the garden party were that I had a fabulous, bubbly, seductive, assured times. My psychiatrist, however, in talking with me about it much later, recollected it very differently. I was, he said, dressed in a remarkably provocative way, totally unlike the conservative manner in which he had seen me dressed over the preceding year. I had on much more makeup than usual and seemed, to him, to be frenetic and far too talkative. He says he remembers having thought to himself, Kay looks manic. I, on the other hand, had thought I was splendid,” (Jamison 71).
Kay Jamison thought she was “splendid,” however her psychiatrist states that she was acting as if she was in a manic state. I can see her psychiatrist’s observations as valid, however, I also think that his statements are simply from a self fulfilling prophecy. Her psychiatrist is expecting her to act manically, so he is pointing out everything that she does that would seem odd and point it out as manic behavior. From my perspective, his observations seem to be of a person socializing. From his observations, she didn’t do anything she considers manic behavior (Jamison 67-68). Also, she seems to be able to differentiate when she’s in a manic state and when she is not. How could she possibly not have noticed that she was acting manically?
A second possible reading of this passage could be that, in her manic state – her manic behavior could have seemed like normal behavior. Jamison shows the reader that she understands that she has two different “me’s” inside of her because of her illness as she states, “which of my feelings are real? Which of the me’s is me?” (68). It seems as though, in her manic state, her mindset of what is “proper” and “improper” changes from when she isn’t manic. This shouldn’t be confused with a personality disorder, simply drastic changes in mood.
(If you choose to go with the second reading) What immediately struck me about this passage is the similarity to The Shaking Woman. Hustvedt doesn’t even realize that her shaking is as noticeable as it is, just as Jamison doesn’t even notice that she is in a manic state. How do Jamison’s and Hustvedt’s behaviors go unnoticed to themselves when they are so noticeable to others?
I like the fact that you offered two different perspectives based on the reading. I identified the reading as the second interpretation that maybe she believed she was being normal but from the outside perspective she was acting manic. I don’t know if that interpretation came to my head because of how mental illnesses have been portrayed in the movies and books I have been exposed to. Usually the person with the mental disorder in media tend to not realize that they acted a certain way. The TV show “Unites States of Tara” for example is of a woman suffering from multiple personality disorders and in the show she does not always recognize her actions under the different personas, obviously the show is an exaggerated version. Sadly, I was under the impression that personality disorders had to do with distinct personalities but as we discussed in class there is a possibility where they could overlap causing manic actions. That helped me understand how a personality disorder could be torturous and deadly. As to your question, I do not know how their behaviors could go unnoticed to themselves. It is perplexing but the novels help offer an insight to their episodes, which assists in further understanding the disorders.
This was very interesting to me, because this is something I was thinking about as well and to focus on. This is really something to question and think about. I would like to focus in on the student perspective, as well as the adults. I was thinking of how is it possible to not notice what is happening to you, your surroundings. Then i was thinking, there are things that we “typical’s” do that go unnoticed as well. Just to think about using filler words or a consistent motion, necessarily we wouldn’t notice that but others would. I wonder if that would be the same concept.
I think the self-awareness (or lack of it) is a bit (if not mostly) phenomenological. To quote Oliver Sacks when being asked about how the medical world did not recognize the problem of face blindness until recently, “It is not usually a complaint of people if people do not bring it up. Many people who are colorblind do not know of it until they take an army medical. One sort of assumes that other people are the way one is.” The last part of that quote is worth noting, because I think that’s related to how people don’t realize supposedly obvious/uniquely-characteristic things about themselves. I think it can be argued that anyone’s sense of “normal” is skewed because they only experience things through their own singular perspective … But it’s only when others point out that there is something noticeably different going on that he/she realizes their experience might not be so universal, that they might not be as “typical” as they think they are (similar to Higashida, when he said he didn’t know he was a kid with special needs until others pointed that out to him).
I do agree with you where you mention that they don’t realize when they act differently surrounding others. I think they are so use to it act that way that they don’t even notice at some point the way they behaving. But for others, it’s not normal, they think that something is wrong with this person and want to help them by giving some help. Which is very great that others notices it if they ignore it and let it go the person or ( Jamison, Hustvedt) would have never realized it, the way they were behaving. I think when someone else sees us reacting or behaving differently; they really want to help us. We should not get upset at them for noticing our weakness.
In answer to your question about self-awareness, it’s impossible to recognize certain behaviors that you exhibit. For example, someone who has the habit of smoking every hour wouldn’t even realize how often they step out of the office for a break but their officemate would. Or if you have a nervous habit of flicking your fingers whenever you get impatient, you wouldn’t even realize you’re doing it unless someone points it out. Their manic episodes are so ingrained in their bodies and are a part of their personalities, so it’s impossible for them to pinpoint it themselves. I’ve had a few hypomanic episodes in a past life (years ago) and experienced that crushing weight of credit card debt that Casey describes in her essay. In the midst of the episode, I wouldn’t even realize that I’d accumulated enough clothing to cover a small third-world country or swiped my card for my 13th golf club when I don’t even play. It’s something that is very difficult to be self-aware of until after the fact and you’re faced with the consequences of the episode. If, like Jamison at the party, an episode or manic behavior doesn’t have any real negative implications, the individual may never even realize that they had behaved differently because of the lack of consequences.